Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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