and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
