please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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