Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
