Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
