Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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