I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
