Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I forget how to act sober
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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