I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's shark week go big or go home
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
