I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
