Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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