Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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