Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
