I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
