She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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