Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
