Plan B is the new Plan A
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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