I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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