I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bring me that man meat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
