if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
