Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
