ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
