You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
