Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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