Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
