it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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