Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
