i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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