Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
