and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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