bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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