Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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