I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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