You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
