Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
