i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
