I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
