I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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