allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
