What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
