At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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