She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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