just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
