a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
