Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
