Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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