some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
