I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
