Porn is love you can see.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
