just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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