Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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