'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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