eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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