On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
