made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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