It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
