2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
