Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
