Can i not drive my cunt home
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
