I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize