i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize