i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
