Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
