My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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