My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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