Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
