i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
