I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
