I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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