I skipped work to stalk him.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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