i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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