I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
