Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
