The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
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i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how drunk are you?
Several
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