Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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